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If you’re a South Park fan, then you’ve undoubtedly become accustomed to the catchphrase ‘You killed Kenny!’ followed by a resounding, ‘You bastards!’ And then…continue on like nothing happened. He’s the character you love to watch die, the hooded kid from a broken home who has more bad luck than Tiger Woods. Fittingly, I’ve brought you my Top 13 Kenny Deaths, all of which you can view right here on WatchMissedEpisodes.com

13. Are You There God, It’s Me Jesus – Episode 316

It’s one of the few Kenny deaths that’s actually acknowledged past the catchphrase. Kenny dies randomly and the doctor so graciously tells his parents that he had a tampon shoved up his ass for about a week, plugging him up until he burst like a septic tank. Who might he have gotten this idea from? The Backstreet Boys, of course. Well, we know who isn’t a fan.

12. Pinkeye – Episode 107

Getting killed by a random space station crash might not be that spectacular, but four Kenny deaths in one episode is. Kenny goes on to be a zombie, running the town rampant. And since he’s Kenny, he will experience the hand of death many times over. The episode is from the first season, a testament to how quickly the Kenny-deaths became a fan favorite.

11. Weight Gain 4000 – Episode 102

What do you get when you have a grossly overweight Cartman, a bent on revenge Mr. Garrison, a caged + airborne Kathy Lee Gifford, and a flag pole? Unless you missed the title of this article, I’m sure you guess right: a classic Kenny death. Then again, the best ones are usually the drawn out, bloody kinds. Poor Kenny.

10. Cherokee Hair Tampons – Episode 406

After a while, you’ve got to get a little peeved that you’re turning up dead every week. In this episode, Kyle is on the verge of death and Kenny lends an ear as Stan expresses his concern, vowing to do anything to save his friend’s life. Kenny gets all pissy, and walks away complaining that no one ever cares when he dies. Of course, this would be the opportune time for him to be smashed by a piano. Stan continues to mourn over Kyle.

9. Cartmanland – Episode 506

Number nine lacks a great set-up, or relevance, or any of those things that make up the greatest Kenny deaths. As a matter of face, it goes pretty much unnoticed, but since when did death have rules? Kenny is riding on a roller coaster, carefree, when he gets a pole straight through the face. Pow! Shish kabob Kenny! Missed it the first time? Don’t you worry: at the end of every theme park ride is a picture booth.

8. Gnomes – Episode 217

The death is typical, the reaction–not so much. Kyle and Stan rush through the mandatory OMGtheykilledkennyYOUBASTARDS . . . while the gnomes (who are collecting underpants for profit, btw) are mortified. The gnomes show the most compassion for Kenny’s death than anyone has in a long time (read: ever), but Stan and Kyle are obviously thinking ‘been there, done that.’

7. Trapper Keeper – Episode 412

1-2-3 NOT IT. Shit! Splat! Hilarious. You gotta watch it. I guess if you read this post, the whole surprise factor will be gone, but it’s really sudden, even though the set-up is quite obvious. Friend in trouble, possible man-eating monster, oh no, who’s going to go save him? Let’s send the poor kid who’s going to die before the next commercial anyway.

6. Cartman Gets An Anal Probe – Episode 101

Where were you when you experienced your first Kenny-death? Most likely sitting in front of the television, but that’s not the point. This is the one that started it all, blood, bones, and severed head included. It makes you wonder if they knew back then that Kenny’s dying would be an ongoing joke. Either way, this death is great because of the pump-fake as fate continues to take a shot at putting Kenny down for good. Oh, and the rats. Well, at least his ass wasn’t explored by curious aliens.

5. Hooked on Monkey Phonics – Episode 312

Phonics Monkey just beat the shit out of Kenny . . . and it was great! Cartman’s phonics monkey (and why the **** does he have a phonics monkey anyway?) attacks Kenny so suddenly and brutally that all you can do is laugh. A lot of times Kenny goes out quickly, but this one looks like it just plain sucks. It reminds me of this video.

4. The Jeffersons – Episode 806

Too soon? It feels wrong to post this one, but at least subject of this comedy isn’t Michael Jackson (not directly, anyway). Either way, the beauty of the death is that we think the Blanket-replacement is just some random blonde kid until his head is thrown through the ceiling and the catchphrase is triggered. It’s a total shock and surprise, complemented by a shimonin’ ghoul of a Jackson below.

Now that felt wrong.

3. South Park: Bigger, Longer, and Uncut.

It was the South Park movie, so of course Kenny had to die, and of course they had to make it memorable. After lighting his fart on fire and going up in flames, Kenny is rushed to none other than Dr. George Clooney. They work on him long and hard, cutting out giblets, zapping his heart in the microwave. Everything seems like it’ll be okay when he wakes, but Clooney informs him that he has about 3 seconds to live, as they’ve accidentally replaced his heart with a baked potato. Splat. And then Kenny is denied access to heaven with all the naked virgins and is torn apart in hell while the medical staff goes out for lunch.

2. Chef Goes Nanners – Episode 407

Nothing is off-limits to South Park. It may be the only show on TV where you can see a starving kid eat a whole bowl of ant-acids for his dinner, down a glass of water, and then explode to the cheers and laughter of his friends. Granted, I’d be tired of my best friend dying every week, too, so anything to spice it up would be greatly appreciated.

1. The List – Episode 1114

This one wins the number one spot in my heart for pure ‘out of the blue’ factor. It’s qualities like this that make it possible for the same joke to happen virtually every single episode and still keep be funny. Kyle is devastated that he didn’t make the cutest boys in class list and vows to burn down the school. When it’s learned that the list was compromised, there’s an ultimate showdown with Bebe and a gun. There’s a struggle, blah blah blah, the gun goes off, etc, etc. But wait, no one seems to be hurt. And then, who knows how many miles away, a bullet rips through a kitchen window and mixes Kenny’s brains with his cereal. Classic.

By the way . . . anyone else notice they’re having breakfast for dinner?

Author: Justin Key is an entertainment writer, author, and screenwriter who blogs at The Ink Road. Follow him on Twitter.

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