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ABC is following the trend of the decade that involves TV series with a beginning, middle, and end. A long-ass movie, if you will. But there are some quirks to V and not because of aliens invading Earth. Even from the small amount of episodes, these are the things that make me go: WTF?

3) Um….immigration?

First off-kilter thing about V: America would have bombed that ass a long time ago!

Come on, you know it’s true. As much as we’d like to think that we humans would take the peaceful, loving route, in reality the V’s would have been brushing their teeth with missiles as soon as they entered restricted airspace! Even past that, we let them heal us? Give us vaccines? I won’t even take the H1N1 from my own government until they’ve gone through at least 3 trial and errors.

And since when should it be easier to get a passport that allows entry from another planet than it is from another country? A country that’s part of the same continent, no less? WTF?

If you want an idea of what would have really happened, go watch District 9. If anything, the V’s would have gotten fed-up with us trying to punk them and just resorted to glassing the planet. But I guess that would make the show only 2 episodes long.

2) They’re too damn human!

Just once I’d like to see these V’s act like they’re actually from a different planet. Around humans: forgivable, but when alone, can we get some native tongue? A strange and sacred alien ritual? Biting into a battery for sustenance, maybe? You know, the usual weird alien-shit. Even the cute ET-phone-home had a fascination with fish bowls. And what’s up with them calling themselves ‘The V’s'…to each other? What, you don’t have your own name now?

Take it a step further. The punishment for the traitor in the last episode (It’s Only the Beginning) was skinning. My girlfriend and I looked at eachother during the commercial, perplexed, and came to the conclusion that they must mean they would be skinned after they ditched the human suit. But then it turns out that by skinning, they just mean taking off what I thought was fake anyway. So do these aliens really have human skin that grows with them as a layer over their body? Who’s idea was that? Are these just some perverted versions of homo sapiens? WTF?

VS

That brings me to another point. Why don’t the humans question this whole set-up? Trust me, if an alien ship showed up in my backyard and some beautiful, perfect-skinned lady walked out, my first thought would be, “Trap! Definitely a trap.” I thought it was just a shared assumption that these aliens look like aliens but were putting on a human image as a way to make us feel more comfortable. But then one of the threats is that the resistance would ‘reveal them for what they really are.’ If I saw one of the V’s split-open like a coconut on the evening news I’d just say, “Well, duh…what did we expect to be under there?” Maybe the V’s contaminated the world’s water supply to make everyone gradually more stupid/naive before making an appearance.

1) Alien and Human, Sitting In A Tree, Eff  You  Sea….

Okay, so I understand these V’s had a master plan of blending in with the humans for 20 or so years, and that involves appearing as human as possible. We’ve already established that they do this well…a little too well, but that’s okay. We can let that slide.

But V’s falling in love with humans? WTF!

Look at Morris Chestnut’s character, Ryan, for example. I get it, you fall in love with this human woman, but for God’s sake man, she’s a different species! If I go to a halloween party and dress as a dog, that doesn’t mean the host’s chihuahua being in heat will make me weak in the knees!

And then on the last episode, she’s pregnant? Please, please tell me she’s cheating or something. Or does the human suit come with a full set of sperm?

But, to be fair, this is assuming that the V’s have the same outlook on bestiality as as we do. Maybe on their planet species inter-breed all the time. At least no humans are considering shacking up with the…

Shit. Now this is embarrassing.

Tyler, Tyler, Tyler…how big of a loser do you have to be to resort to extraterrestrials to find love? And were you not scared when you brought your alien-hottie, Lisa, back to your room? For all you knew, as soon as the clothes came off she could’ve transformed into a 9-foot beast with an alien penis…that has teeth.

Tyler seems waaay too comfortable with messing around with someone who’s only been on the planet a few months. There’s a reason we don’t have movies or TV shows about people falling in love with non-people. It’s just too much.

Ultimately, these quirks are what make the show intriguing to watch. And, hopefully, some of my WTF’s will make sense later as the plot thickens. Catch up on all the episodes here.

Author: Justin Key is an entertainment writer, author, and screenwriter who blogs at The Ink Road. Follow him on Twitter.

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